How to be reassuring parents and not lax? The Positive Educational Approaches Coach, Trainer and Author Charlotte Uvira shares her advice.
Some parents confuse positive education with a permissive attitude. This belief must be ignored, as Charlotte Uvira points out in her book Parentalité Affirmée: and if the captain of the family ship was you?
Being parents is not always done in lace. The education of a child aims to accompany him through the years so that he can flourish as an individual. It is necessary to make a child discover the sense of responsibility, and its place in society. The child must also receive a good civic education.
Evoking these principles can be quite easy. As far as their application is concerned, there is another story. In order to help parents in this positive education program, Charlotte Uvira offers the following 6 tips:
1. Be confident
You must accompany your child over the years. To avoid missteps, you must be confident, be clear to yourself. To help your child grow well, it is important to be clear with yourself.
You must take care of yourself and make yourself responsible. Define your priorities, read your values. In addition, set the principles you want to pass on to your children.
Just be aware that if you are not confident enough about yourself, if you can not see your limits, you will not be able to assert yourself in front of your children.
2. Know everything about your child
Parents tend to impose standardized education on their children. They do not know the real needs of the child. If we want to educate a child, we must however look at all facets of his personality.
Already, you can learn about the basic needs of a child according to his age. You can also learn about the development of a child. Also, learn to detect the tasks and activities that you can give your child.
In order for your child to feel useful, but also to empower them, you can, for example, encourage them to participate in the daily tasks of the home. He must not be given more than he can, however. Remember to gradually involve him in family life from the age he can do it. In this way, your child will understand that you trust him and that you respect him.
3. Be an attentive ear
It is necessary to listen to his child. A parent must be considerate of the actions of a child. It is necessary to pay attention to the requests of the child and not to answer it as an automaton would do.
Expressing their demands clearly is not yet the responsibility of children. Parents must avoid false interpretations and must learn to analyze these demands from the ground up. For example, if the child reacts so that he gets noticed when his parents are busy, he does not want to bother them. In this kind of situation, there is simply a desire to be pampered or listened to. Yes, when the child acts in this way, he wants above all to be more attentive towards him.
If you want your child to listen to you, you must also learn to listen to it. Be careful, this does not mean that you will give in to the slightest whim. In order not to disappoint him but also to assert himself in front of him, make compromises and set limits.
4. Delimit the rules
Children need to follow rules. In order for these to work, they will have to be noted. In the written report of these rules, we should not only mention children. All family members must be listed in the table.
You are required to introduce these rules to allow each of your children to naturally consider the limits they must not exceed. However, do not screen your rules chart with details. It is not necessary not to mention the ban on sweets before eating.
Thus, in “this framework of operation”, you will rather write the rules of life paramount such as: the importance of respect, the contribution in the daily tasks of the home, the fact of being generous or the importance of supporting oneself mutually.
If your child breaks the rules, do not blame him immediately. It takes communication to establish accountability between the two parties. So, take the time to ask yourself the right questions before acting. Then act in the right direction and above all, often refer to the rules established so that they can be respected by the child.
5. Teach your child to be more independent
A child learns to be more independent when he or she participates in daily chores at home.
Certainly, many parents believe that it is necessary to wait until it reaches a certain age before making the child responsible. However, you should know that as soon as your child stammers a few words and as soon as he is able to move with both legs, he can already do some tasks. He can for example put his plate in the sink or on the bench or wipe the table where he took his meal.
To empower the child, he must also have conversations with him that make him feel valued. Do not be afraid to talk about topics of conversation that you might find difficult. If your child asks you a question that bothers you at one point, do not be afraid to answer it! Children only ask questions when they are ready to hear the exact answers.
During these moments of conversation, you can transmit different values to your child, including social, individual or family values.
6. Be calm and patient with your child
During those times when you are “on your nerves”, your child might ask you. You may lose your composure but before acting, you must remember that your child did not cause this situation which disturbs you.
In fact, most often, you feel bad because of the society in which you have evolved. In other words, your life choices or your education have not given you the chance to learn how to manage your emotions properly.
You can also attend workshops and coaching if you want to overcome these phases of evil. In this way, you will be able to resume the management of your emotions in hand, and learn to recognize your limits. You would have more determination vis-à-vis the education of your children. Also, you will be able to assert yourself without having to go through blackmail, threatening or humiliating words.
To properly educate your child, you must indeed make you obey without having to get upset. To get there dear parents, be patient and tenacious.
Finally, we would like to express our gratitude to Charlotte Uvira, for writing Parentalité Affirmée: and if the captain of the family ship was you?